I managed to make amends with someone else I started off on the wrong foot with yesterday: Aoikouru (god I know I butchered that name). She and I had a talk, she discussed the exact moment about when she had a problem with me, and I explained my actions from my point of view and apologized. She forgave me and was elated when she listened to how I was playing my RDM. So shes a member of WA now and I am glad for it. She probley wont be equipping it often, but at least she can participate and check the website once in a while.
It feels good to know I CAN make up for my mistakes, and that there are people that can forgive me for being stupid and emotional. Now if only Mecredi and the SAGoons could give me that chance that Aoi did, see me on a normal day... I think they would change their mind as to how I am. Yeah I brag at times, yeah I bitch, moan, complain about stupid little shit... Its my way of coping with the REAL problems in my life, like the fact I havent eaten a deicent, full meal for almsot a full year now that hasnt been handed to me out of charity. Or the fact that I have been feeling really sick and weak, and hating myself constantly for it... There is plenty more where that came from, but it isnt important to anyone else, so I will stop.
So there is good and there is bad thats going on related to FFXI in my heart. I still feel emencely guilty that Mecredi is missing out on all of this. Shes missed, by me and by some of the other members of the LS as well. I want this whole thing to be forgotten, but I dont want to have to forget her, or else every time I see her name glance past my screen, I'm going to have that same pang in my chest as I did this morning.
Anyways, untill I beleive she can tolerate talking to me again, I have to emerse myself in the things I enjoy in this game. I am glad that WA is so supportive.