Jiroo Branford (jiroo_chan_007) wrote in windyalliance,
Jiroo Branford
jiroo_chan_007
windyalliance

Merc belt and Mecr sightings.

As I was running in joy for finally getting my belt, I passed by Mecredi. I was half tempted to try to talk with her and get her back into WA on my own... but its only been what... a week and a half? People dont forgive and forget as easially as I do. I think I will bide my time untill febuary before I start talking to her again. I'll probley start by giving her a wave, and ask if shes seen the website reicently....

I managed to make amends with someone else I started off on the wrong foot with yesterday: Aoikouru (god I know I butchered that name). She and I had a talk, she discussed the exact moment about when she had a problem with me, and I explained my actions from my point of view and apologized. She forgave me and was elated when she listened to how I was playing my RDM. So shes a member of WA now and I am glad for it. She probley wont be equipping it often, but at least she can participate and check the website once in a while.

It feels good to know I CAN make up for my mistakes, and that there are people that can forgive me for being stupid and emotional. Now if only Mecredi and the SAGoons could give me that chance that Aoi did, see me on a normal day... I think they would change their mind as to how I am. Yeah I brag at times, yeah I bitch, moan, complain about stupid little shit... Its my way of coping with the REAL problems in my life, like the fact I havent eaten a deicent, full meal for almsot a full year now that hasnt been handed to me out of charity. Or the fact that I have been feeling really sick and weak, and hating myself constantly for it... There is plenty more where that came from, but it isnt important to anyone else, so I will stop.

So there is good and there is bad thats going on related to FFXI in my heart. I still feel emencely guilty that Mecredi is missing out on all of this. Shes missed, by me and by some of the other members of the LS as well. I want this whole thing to be forgotten, but I dont want to have to forget her, or else every time I see her name glance past my screen, I'm going to have that same pang in my chest as I did this morning.

Anyways, untill I beleive she can tolerate talking to me again, I have to emerse myself in the things I enjoy in this game. I am glad that WA is so supportive.

o_c
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Some advice for you, from someone who knows Mec better:
Whining about how much you fucked up and how much you miss her, in a public forum (that she knows exists, I assure you), will only get you vicious mocking. Actually, this goes for girls in general.

She has reasons for not being in WA completely unrelated to you, as well.

"I want to keep in mind to everyon that this is still a LiveJournal, which means if you come here. Expect emotional garbage."


"Yeah I brag at times, yeah I bitch, moan, complain about stupid little shit... Its my way of coping with the REAL problems in my life.."

Some advice to you, sence you dont know me well.

Things posted here are rants, meaning only immeadily get steam off my chest and out of my system. Giving me advice, commenting on my rants, or any other type of correcting, flaming, etc. Just add fule to the fire and prolongs the problem.

As far as Mecredi possibly mocking me, who cares? What I post here are my own personal feelings. It IS a livejournal after all, being a comunity or not. If she feels like mocking me for it, I can care less. I could care less that she knows this place exhists either. Shes not a part of WA, and she dosent want to talk or deal with me, so any snide comments she says or "does not say" are just going to get blown off.

However, we are on the same server, and I do know her. So eventually I am going to stop just passing by, and start giving her a respectful nod or wave. Shes going to have to deal with that. This bisuness of completely ignoring eachother is in my humble opinion, high school behavior, and thats why its provoking my whining. Had this issue been discussed one on one like respectful adults, this would have never happened.

Anyways, back about this Journal. This place is just for that blowing off steem, to keep it out of the game, the profile diarys and out of the other forums (which I am waiting on the link for.)I will be changing the link to this page to show a full disclaimer before entering to give apt warning to those who just dont want to see it.

Also, I will be disabling the ability to comment to any posts I beleive might get questioned to prevent any comments or advice from angering me further on a subject I want to just drop.

You see this unfit to what you beleive, chesh, go ahead an bann me or delete this community. I am tired of having to snap back like some wounded wolf at people that dont like the way I deal with things.

Now I've worked very hard to get this community running, and be helpful, even for those who dont want to be a part of the LS for whatever personal reasons. However, the more and more strain I get for wanting to express my feelings, (and I have found a place to keep them away from where normal people check: HERE) the less and less I want to be a part of this game. Consitering my loyality to FF, my games, my firends from RPGamer, the people I have went and stepped through the processes they needed to join WA. (Including paying to convert country loyality. Paying for world passes, walking people to heavens tower. Traveling cross country to give someone a linkshell... need I go on?)Thats a pretty major decission. I will be honest I dont want to do that. But if this game causes too much emotional strain for me to maintain my already twisted health (mentally, physically, and emotionally) I will have to drop it.

Now once again I let a small comment blow my very unstable temper. There isnt much that will blow it, but little comments when I alow myself to complain, is an immeadate red button. I apologize if you take offense do any of the words I say in here, there not ment to demean, deframe, anger, or insult anyone. This is just me trying to blow off somthing that just keeps comming back in my face when I try to throw it down and move on.

BTW I am intrested in know what these other reasons are, just for the sake of trying to improve the Guild. But if its because of a personal problem with another one of my members, oh well. I could go on about it but I wont.

Ok, once again I apologize of this post is offensive in any way. Now please, everyone, stop commenting on my rants.
o_c
It feels good to know I CAN make up for my mistakes, and that there are people that can forgive me for being stupid and emotional. Now if only Mecredi and the SAGoons could give me that chance that Aoi did, see me on a normal day...

You are still being stupid and emotional; you won't be forgiven if you don't stop.

As far as Mecredi possibly mocking me, who cares? What I post here are my own personal feelings. It IS a livejournal after all, being a comunity or not. If she feels like mocking me for it, I can care less. I could care less that she knows this place exhists either. Shes not a part of WA, and she dosent want to talk or deal with me, so any snide comments she says or "does not say" are just going to get blown off.

As per your stated goal of her forgiving you and coming back to WA, you really ought to care.

You see this unfit to what you beleive, chesh, go ahead an bann me or delete this community. I am tired of having to snap back like some wounded wolf at people that dont like the way I deal with things.

I'm not that petty. You stated a goal (getting Mec to rejoin WA), and you posted an entry (the one in question) that, if it's presence were known to her, would hinder that goal. I informed you of that fact. I'm trying to help you.

I am not demeaned, deframed (did you mean "defamed"?), angered, insulted, or offended. I am simply trying to help someone who I consider a friend, namely you.

BTW I am intrested in know what these other reasons are, just for the sake of trying to improve the Guild. But if its because of a personal problem with another one of my members, oh well. I could go on about it but I wont.

She does not like the open recruiting process, because it allows for lots of idiots and n00bs who will be annoying and spammy. Which is true. I just ignore it, because I've found that the cool people in WA are well worth the idiots, who are much less prevalent than I would have expected.
Ahhhhhhh! That has been brought up to me several times. The main WA shells are open invitations, HOWEVER. I have been having a plan in the works for the dedicated, hard working, and genrally non spammy. This is part of the reasons why I am keeping track of everyone who is participating in the EF missions.

(Chesh you are going to have to talk to me in private for this. I am not willing to complete this post in a public forum yet)